Hello, the internet.

I have something to confess. I sat at my keyboard two nights ago, with a very large whisky in my hand, and tried to write about what I had witnessed in Parliament.

I try, in everything I do, to be considerate, often to a fault. I always try to see the opposing side in what I argue, and to temper my own beliefs by that principle. Call it a lack of conviction, call it a misguided attempt to see the good in everything, I don’t care. I simply don’t believe that anyone can have a viewpoint, based on emotion alone, that supersedes someone else’s.

I appreciate that to those who don’t know me will also read the following sentence and be tempted to think, “What a liberal, airy-fairy snowflake.”

But when I tried to write an article on Wednesday night, I found myself staring at my computer screen and being so uncontrollably angry that I couldn’t even write anything.

I am invested, heavily, in the political times we live in. I have always followed politics with huge interest, because I believe that politics itself is, at its core, a supranational examination of the psychology of the human race. There is so much data that politics gives us about how people feel about the society they live in – and this is fascinating to me.

But that is not what the effect of politics should be. Politics, and government, should be about a group of elected people, in a democracy, debating idealogical viewpoints in a considered, fair manner, and to come up with a solution that protects the most vulnerable in our society and is fair for everyone else.

Nothing in the above has happened over the last two days. It has been, and I say this without hesitation or fear of hyperbole, utterly chilling.

Make no mistake, we live in dangerous times. Let’s file through this wrap-up and have a long, hard look at ourselves.

Links, as ever, in the days of the week.


Before this week’s Supreme Court ruling, Johnson had yet another disaster on his hands. The Sunday Times alleged that he had personally intervened to help the business of a young, attractive American business-owner while he was Mayor of London.

He did so by providing grants generated by public funds (our taxes) to assist her companies, and also personally intervened to allow her access to international trade missions.

We can only speculate about their relationship beyond this, but the businesswoman in question had a stripping-pole in the living room of her Shoreditch flat, which Boris Johnson has been reported to frequent.

Given that the man is a renowned, serial womaniser, I leave it you, enlightened reader, to draw your own conclusions.

Isn’t it hilarious that we live in a country where our leader using our tax-money to bang an ex-model-turned-businesswoman isn’t the most controversial story of the week?


It’s fucking not.


The big one.

Look, read the blog in the link above if you want the full details of what happened on Tuesday, but what happened after is now more important.

Let’s consider the basic facts of the Supreme Court’s ruling:

  1. Boris Johnson’s move to prorogue Parliament was unconstitutional;
  2. This is because he tried to deny Parliament its role as a legitimate scrutiniser of the government;
  3. While not a direct part of the ruling, the inherent implication of it dictates that Johnson must have lied to the Queen in order to enact it.

So what would you do, having been found in contempt of our ancient system of laws? How would you feel, having been told by the finest legal minds of our country that you were acting against the very laws that define the fabric of our society?


Yep, that’s right. You’d be an amoral, narcissistic, patronising liar.

Johnson had every chance to use this opportunity to back off. He could have started to form a consensus across Parliament to vote for a new, negotiated deal, which is currently his only way for us to leave on October 31st, as per his promise.

Instead, he elected to send his Attorney-General, Sir Geoffrey Cox, out to wax lyrical (in an admittedly gorgeous baritone sonority) about this “Dead Parliament.” Then, when he himself made a statement to House of Commons, his lack of contrition was not, despite appearances, deranged.

It was deliberate.

He undermined the status of the top judges of the land. So we are clear, they did not overstep their boundaries : we live in a constitutional democracy, and the role of the judiciary is to prevent executives like his from becoming dictatorships.

Again, this sounds hyperbolic, but it is not – this government cares so little for the views of the democratically-elected members that it would rather see them silenced than face proper scrutiny.

He flipped a huge finger to those judges, and then made one of the most abhorrent errors of judgement I have ever seen, politically or not.

Jo Cox, so we are abundantly clear, was pro-EU. It was for this stance, amongst others, that she was murdered.

I don’t agree with her name being used by Labour politicians. I think that to use the name of someone that was knifed down by a psychopath for political gain is disingenuous, unless used in a progressive way (as per the Jo Cox Foundation, which is absolutely fabulous). To use it to score points off your opponents is, at best, in bad taste.

That does not, ever, in any conceivable manner, give Boris Johnson the right to tell an MP that has received death threats that her views are “humbug.” It gives him even less right to say that to honour Jo Cox’s death, “Brexit should be delivered.”

She was pro-EU, you vacuum of decency, shrouded under a blonde merkin plucked from the undercarriage of the lady of liberty herself. You absolute degenerate, entitled, feeble, deplorable fuck-wit.

This is why I couldn’t write my blog two nights ago. My fury at the man who holds the highest office in the land holds no bounds.

I, like the Prime Minister, am an Old Etonian. I had every privilege made available to me when I was younger, and I understand what comes of being an Old Etonian, both good and bad.

I understand the anger that is directed towards us, and I understand why. To stand before our democratically-elected Parliament and declare that you know better is, at its core, one of the most fundamentally diabolical things I have ever heard.

By feeling entitled rather than privileged, Boris Johnson has shown a lack of human empathy on a fundamental level. The man is totally, unerringly, deranged.

And more than that: he is unworthy of the highest office of our land.

I write all of the above aware of its hyperbolic nature. I do not say anything lightly, and I respect the views of all who oppose it.

But Boris Johnson can, in no uncertain terms, suck hard, and true, upon my sphincter.

Fuck off Boris, you absolute weapon.

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