FACTUALLY IN-ARCURI-TE : Poll Dancing and Parliamentary Democracies

We are in “Squeaky bum time”, to quote from Sir Alex Ferguson. If Johnson fails to negotiate a deal with the EU, based on the slim pickings he sent them last week, then we have an almighty clash on our hands.

The Benn Act, the piece of legislation blocking a no-deal Brexit, should legally force Bozzle Konks to go to the EU, cap in hand, and ask for an extension. But, despite the black-and-white, legally binding nature of the Bill, Boris insists that he will never ask for an extension.

So what instead? Will Boris break the law? Will he send a two letters, one saying he wants and extension and another saying he doesn’t? Will he and Nigel Farage man a Spitfire and do a sky drawing of a hip-loaded man-cannon over the skies of Brussels?

Unfortunately, we simply do not know. Boris’s team insists that we are leaving on October 31st, despite having no legal basis for saying so.

In this high-stakes poker game, they might be holding aces. Or, more likely, they might holding an expired cinema ticket and a receipt from Boots.

These next two weeks will decide it, one way or another.

But, speaking of squeaky bums and sliding down polls…

Arcuri Gets Grilled By Britain’s Best Journalist*

*Best, in this instance, judged by overall contribution to society’s eventual downfall.

This morning, Jennifer Arcuri appeared on Good Morning Britain, after they paid her around £20K to do so. She was met with intensive questioning by Piers Morgan, masculine insecurity made flesh.

Arcuri is the American entrepreneur who has been at the centre of another Johnson scandal, after he allegedly used his power as Mayor of London to help her businesses in the UK and grow her brand.

He is also alleged to have frequented her flat, which contained a massive stripper pole in the middle of the living room. Supposedly his visits were for “technology lessons.” One can only imagine she was teaching him how to delete his search history.

These visits, incidentally, happened while he was still married to Marina Wheeler, who was at the time suffering from a little illness called cancer.


Anyway, Arcuri came out bold as brass, saying that she was being attacked for being a female businesswoman, there was no evidence of any affair, and that the whole thing was just a big ol’ dose of “Fake News.”

She even said the words, “Fake News.” I know you’re American, Jennifer, but come on. You’re so 2016, lol.

Morgan, to his credit, did as good a job as you’d expect him to do, which was crap. No cross-examination, very little pointing to actual evidence, just letting her get away with it. She specifically denied Johnson ever writing her a reference letter, even though one has been leaked to the press.

Credit to her for the brass neck. Johnson himself refused to comment, which was unusual : this Prime Minister who has faced just one PMQs in his premiership doesn’t seem like the type to hide away from scrutiny…

It’d be funny if it wasn’t so terrifyingly depressing.

Anyway, the fact of the matter is that while this story has been a fun little side-show, it’s probably run its course. If there’s no actual evidence of anything more than “assisting” a friend, Johnson is basically untouchable.

While the Mayor’s office and Greater London Assembly is investigating and might ask Boris to personally give testimony, he will likely shirk any real answers. Without a smoking gun in his hand, he will get away with it.

Even though he’s covered in blood, is standing over the body and is wearing a sandwich board saying “I DID IT” on it.

Fudged the Judges?

In an interesting twist today, our legal system came out in favour of Boris Johnson. The same legal system that declared he had acted illegally just a couple of weeks ago.


It’s actually completely normal, and expected. It also shows the judiciary really doesn’t get involved in politics unless it really has to, which has probably royally pissed-off the incel conspiracy nutters in Number 10.

Joanna Cherry’s team, who brought the complaint to the Scottish judges on prorogation, went to the judges again to get clarification. The issue in question was, ‘What happens to Boris Johnson if he refuses to obey the Benn Act?”

They were hoping that the judiciary might further spell out for Johnson how tied-down he was to the Benn Bill, or “Surrender Act”, as it is referred to by morons.

However, the judges refused – No. 10 had provided evidence saying that, if they failed to reach a deal by the 19th of October, they would ask for an extension. This came from Geoffrey Cox, the Attorney General, who is rumoured to have told Boris he will quit should the Benn Act be ignored.

This, to the judges, was sufficient evidence that the law will be followed, so they refused to wade in any further than they had to.

Now, will Boris actually do this? Maybe, maybe not. Either way, they have to take him at his word, because otherwise it sets a troubling precedent for what comes next. If he breaks the law, however, I imagine he will be crapped on from a height that can only be described as astronomical.

So, he cannot blame the judges.


He will blame everyone else, according to a memo released by an “unnamed No. 10 source” yesterday evening.

Spoiler alert: it was Cummings.

Follow the link in this tweet below, and read the whole thing.

This statement, if really a reflection on upcoming policy, is The Charge of the Light Brigade. “Once more unto the breach, dear friends.” A furious thrashing inside a cage of their own-making.

By threatening to disrupt EU member-states and trying to bully them into vetoing an extension, it shows how desperate they are. No plans, no strategies, just angry, confused panic.

The EU simply will not buy it. The majority of UK citizens won’t either, I sincerely bloody hope.

Credit is due, in a way, for raging against the dying of the light. The Johnson administration is as broken as Arcuri’s stripping pole after BoJo had a go on it himself.

But, unfortunately, this rhetoric will incredibly damaging to societal cohesion, even though it’s politically pointless. It is, at its core, the mission-statement for the Tories for the upcoming General Election.

But the facts remain the same – no majority, no deal, no no-deal. An extension is the most likely outcome, followed by a General Election or a second referendum.

Strap in, team. It’s going to get bumpy.

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